Good Receiving

Being with children in the immediate aftermath of Christmas is not as demanding as many might suppose. It is challenging, but also re-creative, a short period of helping them to find a sense of equilibrium, or peace, following the highs and occasional lows of the build up to this celebration of abundance. Where children are concerned, it is a case of channelling excitement into directions which are going to prove ultimately rewarding. There is, for example, the matter of personal property. This is not just a case of respecting what belongs to someone else, but of respecting ‘things’ as they are and for the sake of the one who gave them. We learn the significance of things, and hence of gift, from a very early age, so we try to teach children that things matter, not only because of their intrinsic worth, but because they are signs of the love shown to us by the giver. This leads us into the deeper meaning of Christmas itself, because what we have really been celebrating and entering into in all the flurry and busyness of the season is the incomprehensible scale and nature of God’s love.

It is easy to blame the retail and advertising industries for playing on our human tendency for excess and greed, and thereby supposedly distracting us from what Christmas is about, but the real challenge to our own self righteousness in this respect is to allow our natural tendency to greed and excess to be transformed. When this happens, and it is down to us to allow it to happen, Christmas becomes a time for connecting with a goodness, often deeply hidden, which exists in ourselves and in human nature – that we want to bless those we love and be blessed by them. This blessing of one another connects us directly with God’s desire to bless us in Jesus. It is up to us to decide to receive that blessing. 

When it comes to the giving and receiving of presents, two things are significant – why we choose a particular gift for a particular person and how, if at all, they will make use of it. The first part of the equation is complex. If we give something because we like it ourselves, are we therefore giving it because we would like to own it? Or are we giving it, even though we may not like it at all, as an expression of solidarity with that person? Are we saying “I know you like these and I have found one which I like too, so I give it to you as a sign of my love and solidarity with you in who you are”? Even a ninja monster can have a certain attraction, but it is not the toy itself which is significant. It is the ‘knowing’ and empathising with the one who will receive it that matters. The ‘knowing’ smile I receive from my grandson as he plays with the ninja  builds an even stronger bridge between the two of us. The giver is blessed in the one who receives well.

The knowing smile exchanged between us is the ‘knowing’ smile given by God to those who are prepared to risk receiving Christ as a gift in their lives. In Jesus, God is saying “I know and love you as the one who matters to me more than anyone, so I give you my own beloved son who will transform your life, giving it purpose and meaning beyond anything you can imagine for yourself.”

‘Knowing’ moments only really happen when we are sufficiently vulnerable to receiving well – when we are prepared to be surprised by the love of the one doing the giving. In other words, when we are not focusing on ourselves. It is hard to do this at Christmas, or in any gift giving season, because we sometimes expect too much for ourselves in what we give, in how our gifts are received and in the host of attendant material and relational issues which surround the whole gift giving process. Where children are concerned, the business of receiving is more a matter of establishing rights and boundaries than of being in any sense open to the deeper blessings which come with gift. The task, therefore, is to teach restraint, patience (especially towards other siblings) and respect for things in a way which will gradually lead into a realisation that there is more to receiving than material wish fulfillment. Gifts matter because of the giver. Paradoxically, when it comes to receiving Christ, there is a certain kind of wish fulfillment, but it is of a different order. It is something that we perhaps never realised we were wishing for, that we are loved and valued by God beyond our wildest imaginings.